I was 300 words into a post about having The Langoliers coach college basketball, and I’m incredibly pleased to announce that I had the awareness to delete it prior to getting in too deep.
Selection Sunday Should Be More Awesome
According to some recent rumblings, Selection Sunday will air as such:
- The committee will release all 68 teams.
- They will then reveal the bracket.
This is dumb.
When consuming Game of Thrones or Breaking Bad, we aren’t hoping for the culmination of the plot to be revealed before the story begins to unfold. Preferably, we’d like to journey with Walter White or the Dragon Lady Ketchup Keeper (I think that’s her name) to be a part of the process. It’s a joint venture, really. We experience stuff as it unfolds with the characters.
There are exceptions to this. Some stories unveil the ending at the start, leaving us with a story that explains how we got there. Spoiler: Memento is kind of like that, but does so in a way so as not to let us know that is what has actually already happened.
Point being: Why in the Sam Cassell does the Selection Sunday broadcast want to be awful? Even while fully realizing leaks will be part of this event, there’s no need to remove the drama that is snubs right off the bat. Let that unsettling feeling linger for fans of bubble based programs.
NBA Guys About To Parachute
Hey, friends. It’s almost time for Charles Barkley to become a college expert. You know, the “Player-X and them boys” kind of analysis. That stinks.
College basketball doesn’t need NBA personalities to help broadcast the NCAA Tournament. The casuals are tuning in for the Club State Pool Cleaners possibly upsetting the University of Broken Dreams, and only doing so for the communal vibe; brackets, pools, and the experience that is telling your boss how you were the only person to get the 12-5 seed game right.
Not a soul lurking about is turning on a pregame show in March for any reason other than waiting for the games to start.
“But Joseph, if that is the case, why care if Chuck is tasked with informing the audience about college basketball related stories and knowledge?”
This is an excellent question. My response, pretend friend I just made up to combat later arguments, is that the sport should still try. Try to build better ambassadors of the sport than the ones we currently have. Barkley, who probably can’t name 20 college basketball players, is certainly not that guy. Nor are the countless run-of-the-mill personalities who are sometimes given try after try at being mediocre.
There are young people who have not yet been given a chance to fail at making pregame shows interesting. Instead of recycling the same folk — who are otherwise fine, mind you — give that under-40 person a chance to drop some knowledge on the nation in interesting and fun ways.
Friend of the program, Aaron Torres, would make a decent choice. He has #takes, is educated on the sport, and can dance right on top of some college basketball issues a Barkley simply lacks the information on to discuss.
It doesn’t have to be Torres. It could be a billion other people. Hell, it could be someone from the old-guard media. The man or woman who hasn’t yet been given a chance to fail.
Unfortunately, whoever gets that theoretical job opening would likely fail. Not because they are inept, but due to the fact the pregame broadcast crew has to somehow cater to both shooty hoop die-hards, as well as the fan who is only there for giggles, at the same time.
All of that being said, I prefer Turner to go way outside the figurative box. Honestly, even if inherent failure is built in the broadcast team, how much more fun would you have watching Aaron Torres, Carrot Top and Count Chocula discuss the upcoming games than TNT’s NBA studio show crew?
Why Ruin Heathers?
They rebooted Heathers, the 1980s movie starring a game Winona Ryder and a pre-Pump Up The Volume Christian Slater.
The hell we doing? You can’t recreate a cult classic and hope the formula of random magic being trapped in a bottle happens twice.
AEC Hoops Is Where The Heart Is
Vermont will face Stony Brook in the AEC Tournament semifinals on Tuesday evening. Both Jeff Boals and John Becker are excellent coaches, though the Catamounts clearly have more talent on their roster.
With a healthy Anthony Lamb, Vermont can do actual damage in the NCAA Tournament, assuming the Seawolves don’t pull off an upset and Becker can avoid faltering in the championship game.
The AEC is my favorite low-major college basketball conference. It is riddled with great coaches — our aforementioned two brilliant strategists, as well as some others — and now regularly features fringe NBA-level players.
If, somehow, through dark magic or something, these AEC programs can keep power leagues from scooping up its coaches, we’re honestly not too far away from the league becoming an actual mid-major, then transitioning into a solid one at that.
Obviously, this all pends on keeping guys like Becker and Boals in the league.
WWE Marks Are Dumb
Roman Reigns isn’t the best wrestler on the planet. #SorryImNotSorry. Starting what you think is a clever tweet with, “Imagine thinking bluh, bluh, bluh, in 2018” is also a really dumb counterpoint to whatever issues people have with the WWE brand.
You can/should be happy with whatever the WWE is giving you if that is how you feel. To get angry, morphing into that condescending monster on Twitter no one likes, when someone complains about something, is just weird.
For reference: WWE marks are usually people who bash Cody Rhodes, despite him leaving the company gracefully and only speaking highly about his experience there; don’t like Alexa Bliss because she’s not Bailey; have a hard time discussing their hatred for a too powerful Brock Lesnar with their love for an ultra powerful Braun Strowman; have a tendency to complain about The Young Bucks; and have no idea that there’s a difference between a long match and a good match.
Virginia Basketball Is Not Fun
Saying you believe the Cavaliers are not entertaining to watch is not the same thing as saying they are bad.
Virginia happens to be the Philly Shell of college basketball. For the uninitiated, the Philly Shell is a kinda/sorta style of boxing Bernard Hopkins used to employ, which largely relied on defense to win fights. He was a great boxer using that style, but he was also boring as all the fudges to watch fight.
From my perspective, that’s Virginia. And, like Hopkins, the Cavaliers have the capability to be more explosive on offense than they show, but no one can blame Tony Bennett for sticking with what is working.
Still, stop trying to convince me that consuming Virginia basketball is fun. Maybe it is fun for you. I won’t tell you where, why, and how you should find various forms of pleasure. For me, it just isn’t. For you, the people to keep telling me how I’m wrong for believing that, you sound like the WWE marks mentioned above… coupled with those soccer hipsters from the 1990s who constantly told non-soccer fans how they just didn’t get it.
No. You don’t get it. I’m not entertained.
If The Walking Dead Airs In Perpetuity, Stop Whining
Social media coolios love to trash The Walking Dead; for decent reason too, as there’s clearly been some drop in storytelling from Season One to whatever season is currently airing.
I still watch the show for several reasons.
- I’m pot invested. Can’t bail now.
- I bought in on a theory I created in my own head.
Fine. Whatever. It appears to only be two reasons.
Spoiler: Girl above is dead.
Robert Kirkman, the man who created the show by way of his graphic novels, has long said he wants his comic version of the story to never end. If we apply that same thought to the show, we can begin readjusting expectations.
What if TWD never ended as a TV show? It be like a better General Hospital or Days of Our Lives, right?
We’d begin to realize that the show just can’t kill a character every other episode. More importantly, those character specific episodes everyone whines about, maybe you would understand that they are broadcast so you begin to care for a character that will eventually be killed.
I won’t sit hear, on this here future-device, to tell you that you should love The Walking Dead. I just spent far too many words combating people who tell me to love Virginia basketball. However, *if* we buy in on my theory that the show might never end, we can relax on wanting every episode to be as great in quality as a different show that doesn’t have an infinite shelf life.
Example: Lost was good until the creators were told they had to do a lot of episodes. Those geniuses (I mean that sincerely) who created the show’s concept have admitted they never thought too far beyond the two-hour pilot. As time went on, the show suffered because of that and ABC’s demand for a billion episodes per its million seasons.
Counter example: The Leftovers, a show that did a great job pivoting in its second season, had a short run. It was overseen by a person who helmed Lost. The Leftovers only lasted three seasons. It had its flaws, but by only operating within such a short period of time, it didn’t give its fan base a time to truly turn on it.
Basically, my argument is that The Walking Dead is somewhat a victim of its own success. That, like a band who had a second album not be as critically praised because it wasn’t their first, it could never live up to season one’s expectations because it was too good to ever end early enough.
Does that make sense? No? Sugar.
Let’s be far more horrifically blunt about it: The Walking Dead is what Nirvana might be if Kurt Cobain never died — or, how Guns ‘N’ Roses actually is now. People would still consume it, because loyalty and love, but creativity does have bounds… the sort which is why we shouldn’t have seen Heathers been mother loving rebooted!
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