College Football’s Most Boring, Albeit Successful Programs

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditmail

I was scrolling through Twitter the other day (as I do way too often, admittedly) and I saw this tweet from the Omaha World Herald,

My first thought was, “yeah, Wisconsin is definitely winning that crap division.” Then I read it again and got stuck on the word “stability.”

What a boring word it is, but one that perfectly describes Wisconsin.

The Badgers have won 71 games over the last seven years. Wisconsin has won two Big 10 titles and played for two more over the same span, while losing at least three games each year over the last six seasons.

They’re a stable, solid bore that wins enough to get noticed but not enough for any of us to really care. Wisconsin is the girl your mom wants you to marry. She’s sweet. She’s nice. She’s smart enough; but there’s no sizzle. There are no late nights out at the bar. No skinny-dipping in the pool at 3:00am.

Wisconsin is Jenny from down the street. She’ll always be there, whether you want her to be or not.

This got me thinking: What other teams are consistent winners, yet terrible products from an entertainment stand point? Which teams win, yet leave you apathetic from an entertainment standpoint? What are the most boring college football programs?

This is a subjective list to be sure. Some people might hate watching Texas Tech refuse to play defense, while others love Ryan Gosling lookalike Kliff Kingsbury’s basketball-on-turf production.

But this is *my* list. Feel free to let me know where I messed up.

Please note that I used a random metric of a minimum of an average of eight wins or more over the last seven years. Again, this is a list of teams that consistently win, so Boston College was ruled out, as it would obviously be No. 1 on everyone’s list. Sorry, Dudes.

1. Wisconsin

Avg. season wins since 2010: 10.14

Why so boring?

See above. You’d think a team with 71 wins over seven years would be fun or even interesting to watch, but Wisconsin is what Alabama would be if they were half as athletic and played in the snow.

2. Kansas State

Avg. season wins since 2010: 8.57

Why so boring?

The Wildcats have 60 wins over the last seven seasons, including four 9+ win campaigns. Yet, if you asked me what Kansas State does well or what they’re known for, I’d say being fundamentally sound. What is more boring than that?

3. Florida

Avg. season wins since 2010: 8

Why so boring?

Have you seen this team play offense? Sure, Florida’s won the division several times since 2010, but my God… that offense is like watching paint dry.

Florida has all of the speed you could want yet it can’t do better than an avg. total offensive ranking of 104th since 2010. That’s coaching malpractice spanning three different regimes.

4. Nebraska

Avg. season wins since 2010: 8.85

Why so boring?

Let me count the ways. One, the Cornhuskers have zero identity. What were Bo Pelini teams known for (other than getting blown out in every big game)? What has Mike Riley done since coming to Lincoln? Unless you’re a Husker fan there’s nothing that gets you to turn on the TV.

Nebraska has won nine or more games in 6/7 years and no one cares because it’s lost at least four games every year since 2008.

5. Alabama

Avg. season wins since 2010: 12.28

Why so boring?

Hear me out. Alabama is so damn good it’s become tedious. I know, it sounds stupid, but living in SEC country you feel it every day when people talk ball. ‘Bama has rendered every other program as an afterthought. It’s not if ‘Bama wins the SEC and plays in the Playoff, but rather how badly does it beat its competition in the process.

To make matters worse, the one thing Bama had going for them from an entertainment standpoint was Lane Kiffin, and he was replaced with a Bill Belichick disciple as offensive coordinator. Yuck.