SEC Bro Takes on the Most Important Issue of the Day: Ted 2

Facebooktwitterredditmail is happy to welcome back guest contributor SEC Bro. With the release of Ted 2 today, SEC Bro was itching to get some things off his chest. Without further ado, here’s his review of Ted 2.


It’s been too long since this weak blog had me on to extend my genius to y’all, but the Powers That Be finally wised up and gave the ol’ Bro a vine. I guess Pac-12 Country finally decided it needed some SEC toughness.

A mob of y’all have been emailing and tweeting me about something that’s really getting on my nerves: social media mobs. See, like-minded folks with the same opinion as me know what’s up, like when y’all band together to discredit the wins of non-SEC teams.

Frankly, those other conferences shouldn’t even play football, but I’m getting sidetracked.

Like-minded folks whose opinions are different from mine, though? They’re the biggest problem our society faces, and that’s why it’s up to me to take a stand.

I see people hating on my boy Seth Mac’s new flick Ted 2. Get a mind of your own, losers. That’s what I say. It’s obvious you’re sole objection to this movie is because Grantland and Deadspin told you to.

A lot of y’all Chuck Taylor-and-dark-rimmed-glasses wearing vegan geeks are probably still bent outta shape because of Seth Mac’s super-sick Oscar hosting. That’s exactly how I would host the Oscars, only I’d put a lot MORE emphasis on boobs.

See, your No. 1 dude SEC Bro knows movies. I took three semesters of film courses.

Here’s what I know: you La-La Land weirdos might be all into your Love & Mercy, but what’s that gonna win? Like a Big Ten team up against Nick Saban’s mighty Crimson Tide, that’s winning nothing against Ted 2 — and if it does, I’ll just say Ted 2 is better after the fact, anyway.

I judge movies on two very important sets of criteria: Are the babes smokeshows and would I invite the male leads on a Vegas trip with my crew of Skippy, Scooter, Shucky & Ducky (they’re twins!), Ham Bone, The Bong, Doug Funny and Paul?

Um, let’s see: Ted 2 has Amanda Seyfried and Marky Mark. Touchdown AND extra point, nerds! Ted himself is just a bonus, but you can bet that wacky bear could hang poolside and slam back some ice cold Miller Lackies with the entire posse.

So don’t let social media mobs tell you how to think: let me, the SEC Bro, take care of that job.